I RAN!!!!!!

Ok, so it was only for 1 minute, BUT, it's the first time I've run in several years. I was warming up on the treadmill and decided to go for it. I see it as one small victory.

I felt great afterward so we went to Subway. I was bad because I hadn't eaten anything all morning and we went to work out at 12pm. But once I ate and drank a whole bunch of water, I felt great. Of course I needed a short nap this afternoon but I figured I deserved it.

I'm still struggling with the food part of dieting. I ate a handful of cookies and we ate KFC for dinner. I know, it's terrible. I don't feel quite so hungry though. I guess that's a good side effect of exercising too.

I still have quite a while before the 5k so I'm easing into the running thing. My goal is to finish in 30 minutes. I feel confident that I can do this if I'm diligent in my training program. When I train again, I will add another minute of running to my treadmill routine. I'm working up to the Couch to 5k routine (http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml). How pathetic is that? I can't even do the hard part yet. Actually that's not true. I probably could do the 60 second run/ 90 second walk. I just have a hard time doing it if no one is there to push me. I'm not at the point where I will push myself yet. I feel that's coming though. I pushed myself through the minute of running even though I really wanted to quit!!

I know what you're thinking. 60 seconds of running is nothing. But let me tell you, when you're over 300 lbs, it's A LOT!!!! Anyway, keep on keepin' on!

I weigh 330 lbs

There, I said it. It's out in the open for others to see. I'm really embarrassed by it but hiding it isn't going to make it better. I'm ashamed that I let myself get this way. I've gained 100 lbs since I got married. There are a lot of reasons: Jacob's accident, Nick's disability, my inability to cope with all the emotions I've experienced. On top of that, food just plain tastes good.

I love food. I love rich food. I love mac and cheese with a thick cheesy bechamel sauce and more cheese loaded on top. I love Pepsi. Those are probably my two favorite things.

I need to stop lying to myself. From now on I'm pledging to myself and anyone listening that I am not going to be in denial any more. Good or bad, I'm posting it all on here.

Right now I'm training for a 5k. The ticker on the side tells you how long I have. May 19th seems like a long time away, but I know it's not really. But this is not just some race I'm entering. This is for Nick. I am going to help raise money for a therapy program for kids like him. In Provo there is a place called Now I Can and it's for kids with physical disabilities like Nick. While we've already paid for his therapy, there are many who cannot afford it because insurance does not pay. That's my goal. I don't care about winning but I would like to finish in 30 minutes.

Any words of encouragement are welcome!!

Accountability

Ok, so I started my journey to fitness and weight loss yesterday. Already I'm not starting off very good. As I sit here typing this, there is an open bottle of Pepsi in front of me. It doesn't taste very good though so I haven't really touched it.

It's really hard to lose weight once you've gained a lot of it. It really is just easier to sit on the couch watching the Biggest Loser while eating a bag of chips and salsa. Which really only makes you hate yourself more. So I am going to start being accountable. Please feel free to comment and don't hold back.